The Clumsy Housecarl
by Keolah
Summary: Thorn, the Dragonborn, wonders why her house is such a mess.


Thorn strolled through the streets of Riften, laden down with stolen goods to stash away, ears perked cheerfully. It had been a good haul for the Khajiit, and her pack was full of shiny jewelry of various sorts.

She opened the door to her house, and froze in the doorway at what she saw. There were flowers, potatoes, wheels of cheese, tableware, and fish scattered about the floor, and half of the furniture was overturned. It looked as though she had been Shouting repeatedly and hurling things all over the place. In fact, it seemed as though about the only thing that was still upright was her statue of Dibella sitting on the end table next to her bed.

What happened here? It couldn't have been some foolish thief, since it didn't appear that anything had been taken. Her tail twitching, she looked around for her housecarl, and found the human woman huddled in her room downstairs with the door shut tight. Well, not tight enough for a master thief, anyway.

"Iona," Thorn said. "Are you alright?"

"Oh!" Iona replied, standing to her feet hurriedly and bowing to the Khajiit. "My thane, you have returned. I am terribly sorry about the state of the house..."

"What happened here?" Thorn wondered.

"This is entirely my fault, my thane," Iona said, hanging her head shamefully. "You see, it all started when your Dibella statue fell over-"

"She just will not remain standing up," Thorn grumbled.

"So I went over to try to right it again, when I tripped over your boots on the floor-"

"I keep forgetting to put those away," Thorn said. "Or just sell them. It's not like I wear those anymore anyway."

"When I fell, I knocked over the jar with the bee in it, and the top got loose, letting the bee out," Iona went on. "It started chasing me, and I ran into the kitchen and bumped into the cheese shelves."

Thorn's ear twitched as she thought she heard something still buzzing in the next room.

"The shelves knocked over the table, and scattered the plates and goblets everywhere," Iona said. "A plate struck the bowl of potatoes, sending them flying as well. And then a potato hit the flower bowl, showering the room with mountain flowers."

"One moment," Thorn said, holding up a single claw. "Follow me."

"Yes, my thane," Iona said.

Thorn headed out through the alchemy room, carefully stepping over the fish, potion bottles, and various alchemical ingredients strewn all over the floor, and into the enchanting room. Soul gems were laying everywhere, and her mammoth tusk was sitting in the middle of the floor. But more importantly at the moment, that bee was buzzing around in here for some reason.

"There it is," Thorn said. She crouched down, quietly sneaking up on it, then pounced. She lifted her cupped paws triumphantly. "Let's get you put away where you belong."

"How do you do that, my thane?" Iona asked.

Thorn shrugged as she headed upstairs again. "Just like catching a torchbug." She located the jar and put the bee back inside, and set it down again on the long table at the foot of the bed. "Do go on. What happened downstairs?"

"Well, I ran down the stairs trying to hide from the bee," Iona said. "I stumbled over the crate of eggs, and one of them rolled over and knocked over the bucket of fish. I ran into the enchanting room, but my trousers caught on the tip of the antlers, which knocked the mammoth tusk onto the floor as well."

"At least they were the smaller antlers," Thorn commented absently. "I never could find a good spot to put the bigger ones I'd found. Pity, really."

"Then I fell over the mammoth tusk, of course, clumsy me," Iona said. "I knocked over the shelf with the soul gems. When I got back on my feet again, the bee was still chasing me, so I tried to make it to my room. I slipped on the fish on the floor and knocked over the torchbug bowl, then slid into the potion shelf."

"I'm glad those things are in unbreakable bottles," Thorn said.

"As am I, my thane," Iona agreed. "I would hate to be responsible for causing you damage to your valuables when I am meant to be protecting them. And there I was, hiding in my room from a mere bee! I am ashamed of myself-"

"Iona," Thorn said.

"I am unworthy to be your housecarl, my thane," Iona went on. "I am incredibly sorry about this entire mess. I know you spent hours carefully decorating the place. I apologize profusely for my unseemly conduct-"

"Iona..."

"It is no wonder that you leave me to guard your house rather than taking me out on adventures with you," Iona continued. "While I would dearly love to fight by your side, if this is any indication, I cannot imagine the damage I might do. If I were to cause harm to you-"

"Iona!" Thorn snapped.

"I am sorry, my thane," Iona said. "What is it?"

"Relax," Thorn said, laughing lightly. "It's alright. Really."

"Thank you, my thane. I am undeserving of your forgiveness."

"Don't worry about it," Thorn said. "Why don't you go out and check on the garden while I clean up in here?"

"Yes, my thane." Iona bowed to her again, and headed outside.

Thorn couldn't help but laugh at the entire mess. She leaned down to pick up her golden claw and put it back on its shelf. Sure, it might take hours to fix everything up again. But how could one person be so unfortunate?

The Dibella statue fell over again.


End file.
